sad discussion: funeral home recommendations

Very sorry for your loss!

Very sorry for your loss. Do you also need recommendations for cemetary/crematorium, person to officiate at funeral/memorial service, options for place to hold repast, etc?

thanks everyone, all of you. i have been too sad, too busy to come back and read any further comments after the first few. i did go to Jacob Holle and they are kind people.
i did lose my husband. and we are relatively young. too young for this.
i have found the people of Maplewood (and surrounding areas, actually) to be wonderful. and i have lovely helpful next door neighbors. i am very grateful for all the kindness.

i did make one big mistake however. i have a lawyer working on the probate issues for me and in trying to obtain bank statements from my husbands account for the lawyer, i informed the bank that my husband has passed. word to the wise: first of all, if you have separate accounts, have things in place for this worst case scenario. secondly, if you find yourself in this horrific situation, do NOT tell the bank. I was able to access his account over the phone, deposit medical leave checks (while he was in the hospital), and make sure there was enough in checking to cover bills on auto pay, get cash from ATM, transfer funds from savings to checking, etc etc. basically, i was taking care of things... until one momentary loss of higher thinking. i had ordered bank statements via the automated system at the 800 number, but freaked out when the automated system said it could take up to 2 weeks to receive them in the mail. worried about not getting the bank statements to the lawyer in a timely manner, I called back and spoke with someone asked expediting the statements and why i needed them. BOOM! they transferred me to the "Estate Unit" and closed his account. now i am penniless, waiting for the life insurance check to come in.

this has added so much extra stress and i am also trying to plan a memorial service. had i not made that one mistake, i would be in a much better place to make plans for the ceremony. oh, not to mention, i am having to cut corners on the memorial due to lack of funds now. i hate banks.

i am afraid now that i have to contact the finance company to make a payment on the car (which was on auto pay through his bank account) that they will discover he is deceased and come repossess my only vehicle. not to mention, how am i going to make that payment with no money???? my parents can only loan me so much. this is ridiculous... all because of what? bank rules. i walked in there with his death certificate naming me as his surviving spouse and that doesn't mean squat!!!!

i have also heard stories from other recent widows of their car insurance companies raising their rates when they informed them of their loss. i tell you... the business world is not kind to widows. & i hope there's a special place in Hades for them.

i am venting because you guys said it was okay to reach out. does anyone have any suggestions? any lessons learned from previous experiences. i would not wish this distress upon anyone.

Oh Jobie I am so sorry for your loss. How stressful to not have access to checking accounts on top of all the other issues you are going through. I assume the bank accounts were solely in his name or the Bank would not have taken these steps it sounds like they have to go through probate before you receive them through the estate.
I will make some inquiries today and pm you later with some thoughts. Please hang in there -- I am sure there will be others chiming in with experience and expertise.

What an awful situation! In my experience, with my mother's estate, probate went pretty quickly and we were able to access her accounts within a few weeks. I hope it goes smoothly for you.

If it's not too personal, did your husband have a will?

A tip for others: My parents' main bank, a military branch of BOA, found out about my father's death by reading the obituary column in the newspaper and immediately closed the account. Apparently they read the obits every day looking for customers. It wouldn't have been nearly as amusing if we had urgently needed the money. Lesson: Don't assume the bank won't find out.

Wow! I'm sorry this is so stressful. Thank you for reaching out and sharing the warning with the rest of us. Most of our accounts are joint, but I will now make it this weeks mission to find out and put in place everything needed just in case. It stinks that the "business of life" gets in the way of grieving. I'm sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry for what you are dealing with!

Regarding the car, I'm not sure if they still do this but, when my father died the car loan was paid off in full by finance company and we were given a clean title. Maybe there is a similar death clause in the finance agreement for your husband's car? My parent's clause was if either co-signer died the loan would be paid in full.

Good luck as you navigate these diffcult times.

jobie
I am so sorry for your loss. I am asking my sister @marylago to chime in here since her husband died a year ago and she had to negotiate all of this mess as well. I take it your husband's account was not a joint account?

I know this is probably like offering a bandage to someone with a broken leg, but if it would help, I'd be glad to make a cake or two to help with the repast. Let me know if this is at all something that would help.

If an account is not joint - it is imperative to put a P.O.D clause in title of account with the name or names of beneficiaries. P.O.D is Paid on death. My step-dad died in April and any account in his name only had POD to my mom. The account is not closed upon death and with presentation of a death certificate account is changed over to beneficiaries name. No will is even required. Just fill out appropriate paper work at bank.

So sorry about your situation Jobie. Is there a short term loan your husbands employer or your employer can make _until accounts are released?

All of these things we just don't think about in advance; especially when we are young, as you are. I am SO sorry that this is compounding the tragedy.

Thanks, @mod, for the tip. There is one account that just has my husband on it. Will do the POD!

So sorry you are dealing with all this. Maybe @HK_Project can help.

callista said:

Thanks, @mod, for the tip. There is one account that just has my husband on it. Will do the POD!

There are some situations where POD can create difficulties if it doesn't agree with an overall estate plan that has been created . With regard to simple finances and certainly where no other estate plan exists it is a simple way to make sure funds are available when a loved one passes . Even if a more complicated estate plan exists it is a good idea to have on a checking account (that is used to pay bills/expenses).

So, so sorry for your loss.

Not sure if this will come in handy for you at this point, but it might be of help to others. I recently signed up for this:

www.getyour*****together.org

It was created by a yong woman who tragically lost her husband, and only when it was too late did she find out how difficult and crazy it was to sort out the finances. Based on her personal experience, she created this site so that others could avoid what she went through.

This won't help jobie now, but for others who may be reading and contemplating their own situations, I would suggest that if you and your spouse/partner have decided against joint accounts in general, you might want to consider setting up and funding a joint savings (or other liquid) account with sufficient funds to cover a minimum of 3-6 months worth of essential expenses plus funeral costs. This "emergency fund" is important for many reasons and this kind of situation is only one. Having such an emergency fund is one of the things that any good financial planner/advisor will tell their clients early on in the process of putting together a financial plan and my personal addendum is to make it joint so that you don't have to tie up twice as much money having two separate ones. Of course, for those who may be in fragile relationships or contemplating separation, you probably also want to have a separate "emergency fund" of your own, but that is another topic.

@jobie - Have you had a conversation with your attorney about this? I have to believe that this is not a unique situation and there must be some help that you can get via "the system".

I also can't believe that the car would be repossessed, and I would think/hope that the leasing company would work something out with you, but I'm not an expert on these matters, so don't take my word for it.

Please keep us posted as we all want to help.

jobie,

They did raise my insurance a little which was just stupid because now only one person was driving two cars. They did freeze the joint bank account (half of it). Luckily I did have enough in the account to pay the mortgage. I also went to the probate office within a week to make sure I could get at the rest of the money, in both the joint account and his own account. My homeowners insurance rate did not increase, AFAIK, but I should check that. I didn't have a car payment, but I did transfer the title of his vehicle to my name the day after probate office.

From reading between the lines, he died intestate? That makes it much more difficult.

The world is not kind to widows. People don't understand your tremendous pain, and how long it lasts. Be kind to yourself.

Please let me know if I can do anything to help.