If you still think the Duggars aren't a bit "touched"...think again

mammabear

Dec 16, 2011 at 2:24am

OMG Lucy...I am so sorry for your loss. How horrible LOL

Sending good vibes to you and your family...

momof4peepers

Dec 16, 2011 at 2:49am

Lucy - I'm so sorry for your cousin's loss.

kibbegirl said:
My issue(s) with this is the privacy of the matter. They have made themselves public domain and everything that is supposed to be private is now public. Those among us are allowed to grieve in whatever way is soothing, but when photos, selling of photos, etc. are involved, IMO, it takes away from the sanctity of what the grief was really about.

Another way to look at it would be that by opening themselves up during this extremely sensitive time, they DO 'normalize' the experience of losing a child and information IS shared (how many people would have known about 'Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep' otherwise?) and maybe we could all be just a tad more compassionate towards those going through a similar experience.

krnl

Dec 16, 2011 at 3:10am

Lucy, so sorry for your cousin's loss. What Kriss said is so true.

kriss said:

When another family member of mine lost a baby years ago, I read a lot of literature and one theme that comes up over and over again is how isolated parents who have suffered miscarriages or stillborns feel, because people don't talk to them about it, or they say things like "oh you're young, you have plenty of time" or "it was meant to be" or whatever. I know people mean well and really don't know what to say. But it's a devastating loss for a family - it's their child, just like yours and mine who made it through ok. And to have no "acceptable" way to express it must be torture.

While I may disagree with the Duggars in so many of their actions (agree with RobB), the loss of a child is a horrible experience for parents so it is difficult for me to pass judgement on their actions.

calliope

Dec 16, 2011 at 3:54am

kibbegirl said:
My issue(s) with this is the privacy of the matter. They have made themselves public domain and everything that is supposed to be private is now public. Those among us are allowed to grieve in whatever way is soothing, but when photos, selling of photos, etc. are involved, IMO, it takes away from the sanctity of what the grief was really about.

agree wholeheartedly

eyetry

Dec 16, 2011 at 4:51am

If this is their way of grieving then so be it. I agree that the photos are done tastefully. We all adore little baby fingers and toes so it sweet at least....sad but ok. It's all they have now of someone they were happily looking forward to welcoming to their loving family.

Corey oh oh

lele0820

Dec 16, 2011 at 6:05am

I haven't read everyone's comments on this thread. Everyone grieves differently. I do know other cultures have cemeteries dedicated to miscarriage or stillbirths only. I learned this from my sister, when I miscarried. It is a very difficult situation, especially that far along. I did not know about the taking of photos though. I don't know if I could do that. It is hard enough seeing photos of fetuses for elected abortions when they are more developed. I think generally miscarriages, stillbirths are still somewhat taboo or hard to talk about in America. I think because she recognizes she is a "public figure" (if you want to call it that) and as a women, she is saying it is ok to talk about it and do something for the fetus, as it was a life. I know for me, I don't feel that I can talk about if with people, even my own family or husband. Many people say, it was only a month along, it's not that big of a deal, it wasn't fully developed. I still struggle emotionally to this day, a year later. My mom also miscarried twice, she says she accepts it, however she never talked about it with me openly until I asked her when I miscarried. I had to ask her, she did not openly talk about it. It is a difficult topic for all who experience this.

BG9

Jun 4, 2015 at 6:11am Edited

kibbegirl said:
They chose to take pictures of their miscarried child for the memorial.

From TMZ: The family from TLC's "19 Kids & Counting" chose a unique way to commemorate the life of their 20th child, who passed away this week in a miscarriage -- they took an artsy picture of the fetal corpse ... and distributed it at the memorial.

Jubilee Shalom Duggar was due in April ... but Michelle Duggar suffered a miscarriage on Sunday in her 2nd trimester.

The Duggars held a memorial today at their church in Arkansas, where they distributed the above photographs -- containing messages like, "There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world."

The photos were first posted on Twitter by a family member -- and then surfaced on a fan site.

Still think there's nothing wrong with this bunch?

http://www.tmz.com/2011/12/14/duggar-family-dead-baby/#.TulYNHNcIko

You've certainly been proven right about something being wrong with this family. Spouting their Christian family values while tolerating pedophilia and incest.

The Duggar parents, teary-eyed and looking to each other for support, defended their decision to start the reality show despite their son’s conduct, saying they saw no reason for concern.
...

Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar defended their handling of his behavior and their later decision to start a reality show about their family.
Four of the five girls their son Josh molested were his sisters, his parents told Megyn Kelly, the anchor of “The Kelly File” on Fox News Channel, on Wednesday night.
Both parents excused their son’s behavior and praised him for admitting to them that he had inappropriately touched the girls.

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/04/business/media/josh-duggar-molested-four-of-his-sisters-his-parents-tell-fox-news.html

kibbegirl

Jun 4, 2015 at 1:01pm

Yep. I called it! oh oh They are a creepy, disturbing bunch who ironically, live quite clannish but will open themselves up for the public and for a price.

Josh (is that his name? There are so many of them) has issues. Because his family is so deep rooted in their Christian faith (or their interpretation of Christianity), they chose to ignore the molestation issue instead of getting him counseling. And before anyone pipes in, "Oh, they did seek counseling through their ministry" - that wasn't counseling. That was some fire and brimstone confessional of "I'll never do it again and the Lord will forgive me" - and it doesn't count.

lukeysboat

Jun 4, 2015 at 1:21pm

While I watched half a show a while back, and do not know too much about them other than their "face" of propriety and good Christian values, I am surprised that there does not seem to be any mention by the parents of counseling for the girls, and any support for the girls, just the son. The excerpt I saw was them standing behind the son and saying how he's been healed, or whatever, but no mention of the girls just something along the lines of "they didn't realize what was happening", then back to the prodigal son. Unless I missed that part?

LL_

Jun 4, 2015 at 1:53pm

Theyresaving the girls for another TV special. At least two of them are going to be interviewed by either the Vieor Fox or something. They have said that they forgiven their brother and others have saidthat it might've been their fault for dressing inmodestly. Wayto get more ratings

Freeway

Jun 4, 2015 at 2:21pm

Not a Duggar fan but also wouldnt put it past TMZ to use "any means necessary" to obtain the photos.

kibbegirl

Jun 5, 2015 at 3:20am

LL_ said:
Theyresaving the girls for another TV special. At least two of them are going to be interviewed by either the Vieor Fox or something. They have said that they forgiven their brother and others have saidthat it might've been their fault for dressing inmodestly. Wayto get more ratings

This I believe!

Honestly, there are 19 children living with parents who believe sex is only for procreation and any signs of sexuality before marriage is a sin. They have been w/out the "sex talk" for who knows how long. Children are curious. Children can be experimental. If parents do not guide them correctly in their feelings and speak to them about what is appropriate and what is not - things like this will occur, especially when children are secluded. There are times when parental guidance, maturity in parenting, not being shy about discussing sexual issues with your children (w/in reason depending on age), and stop giving body parts cute names - oh, and stop preaching to children and start talking to them - this young man and his poor sisters/relatives - could have been helped much earlier.

BG9

Jun 5, 2015 at 4:26am Edited

lukeysboat said:
While I watched half a show a while back, and do not know too much about them other than their "face" of propriety and good Christian values, I am surprised that there does not seem to be any mention by the parents of counseling for the girls, and any support for the girls, just the son. The excerpt I saw was them standing behind the son and saying how he's been healed, or whatever, but no mention of the girls just something along the lines of "they didn't realize what was happening", then back to the prodigal son. Unless I missed that part?

I've seen that. No counseling needed because the Lord forgives.

I've seen it at work. We had a consultant and he did do good, quality and speed, work when he worked. He was paid $130 per hour, being allowed a maximum of forty billable hours per week. But he got lazy. He'd come in at 9:20, then go get breakfast and finally start work at 9:50, pretty consistent. At about 11:50 he'd go to lunch and be back around 1:20. Then at 5:20 he'd leave. But he'd bill for eight hours.

Even though his work was quality and he was fast, he created morale problems. He was warned. He was a very religious born again and spend much of his lunchtime in the park reading scripture.

I asked him considering his religious nature how he can justify stealing from the company. He replied he asks the Lord for forgiveness and is forgiven. He was told that no matter the quality of his work this is no acceptable.

It seems some are patently amoral. When caught we are told they have been forgiven. Its all OK.

jmitw

Jun 5, 2015 at 10:43am

I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Many parents who have a still born take a photo-although I never heard of it being distributed at a memorial..many do post of social media.

What sticks with me about the Josh situation is that if he had actually gotten treatment from a legitimate counselor-that counselor would have been a mandated reported and would have had to report the situation to the authorities. Even after it came out that he was sent to do manual labor, I am still seeing comments that he actually got counselling.

jmitw

Jun 5, 2015 at 10:50am

I don't know that they didn't have the 'sex talk' with the kids. They may have just done the strict christian version about how babies are made and private parts.

jmitw

Jun 5, 2015 at 10:52am

I went to a Catholic High School. One of my religion teachers (a member of a religious order) actually said that priests feel it is okay to engage in immoral acts because all they have to do is confess and it will be okay.

kibbegirl

Jun 5, 2015 at 12:49pm

Did you go to Catholic school in Texas with my mom and her siblings because this basically is what a priest told my mother. When she was a teen and became pregnant and announced she would keep the baby (Me!) same priest told my grandparents that my mother was no longer allowed to worship with the other parishioners or family members. She could come to Mass in the "off" hours. Can't make this stuff up.

jmitw said:
I went to a Catholic High School. One of my religion teachers (a member of a religious order) actually said that priests feel it is okay to engage in immoral acts because all they have to do is confess and it will be okay.

BG9

Jun 5, 2015 at 6:39pm Edited

jmitw said:
I went to a Catholic High School. One of my religion teachers (a member of a religious order) actually said that priests feel it is okay to engage in immoral acts because all they have to do is confess and it will be okay.

I think that was a problem with the hierarchy. Too many Bishops and Cardinals felt once the priest confessed that all was OK - forgive the priest, transfer the priest, problem solved.

Then the public became knowledgeable about all the abuse and the victims finally had the support that allowed them to be believed and be able to successfully sue.

The thinking that a confessed and forgiven priest being transferred to another parish solved the problem went out the window when the church incurred huge legal liabilities.