What's the going rate for wedding presents?

Wedding tomorrow night on long beach island. My husband and I and our two adult children are invited. Not black tie. Very dear friends daughter is the bride. Thoughts on $ gift. Ti

My recently adjusted standard wedding gift formula is as follows:

First wedding B&G under 30 years of age = $500 and one moderately priced item from registry.

First wedding B&G over 30 = one moderately priced gift from registry.

If there is no registry I will substitute a piece of art above.

Second weddings get a little grey but if its only one of them on their second go round I gift the same so long as I wasn't at the first wedding. If its both parties second or more I generally don't go. Sometimes I'll send a nice bottle or something along those lines.

You have to do whatever you are financially comfortable doing, but I would personally give a minimum of $100 per adult. The venue doesn't alter the amount of my gift, but the closer the relationship, the more likely that I might give more

If the adult children are out of school and working, they should provide their own gift within their budget. If you include 1 gift from your entire family....it should take into account the number of people 'giving' the gift

and it does depend on how close you are..

I would never expect $500 from 1 adult/couple unless they were very financially comfortable. I would be grateful for the value of the gift to cover the cost of the reception per person on a low end reception, but many people would be insulted if they had a low end reception and you didn't give a 'standard' gift.

Same topic, slight tangent, because a niece has asked:

Suppose it's a dear friend since childhood, guest and bride are employed and in their 20s, and guest is not a member of the wedding party?

I'm leaning towards al least$500. The adult children are recent college grads and not really in a position to give anything. Next wedding we have is black tie, New Years eve in nyc...$$

I think $600 min for the 4 adults. Doesn't matter if they just graduated - give a respectable gift or don't go and save your money,IMO.

Ummm. Ok. Don't think I was complaining just asking for opinions. Thanks for yours.

oakland2 said:
I think $600 min for the 4 adults. Doesn't matter if they just graduated - give a respectable gift or don't go and save your money,IMO.

Yeah, don't go if you can't afford to pay that muchbecause no one actually cares about having loved ones at their wedding, only the gifts matter.

$600? that is just silly.

Wowza. What goes for a "respectable gift" around here is way beyond my reach. Good thing I don't have any weddings coming up!

ffof said:
$600? that is just silly.

FWIW, there's a good chance it'll cost the hosts at least that much to have said family of four attend.

Sundays said:

ffof said:
$600? that is just silly.

FWIW, there's a good chance it'll cost the hosts at least that much to have said family of four attend.

Gift and cost of event should have nothing to do with each other.

The couple and/or their family should hold the event that they want to within their budget constraints and they should invite the people that they care about. The invitees should not feel that they have to bust their budget on a gift or stay home.

I cringe whenever I see something about "going rate for a gift". It is just SO wrong.

sac said:

Sundays said:

ffof said:
$600? that is just silly.

FWIW, there's a good chance it'll cost the hosts at least that much to have said family of four attend.

Gift and cost of event should have nothing to do with each other.
The couple and/or their family should hold the event that they want to within their budget constraints and they should invite the people that they care about. The invitees should not feel that they have to bust their budget on a gift or stay home.
I cringe whenever I see something about "going rate for a gift". It is just SO wrong.

I find it interesting that people find it "silly," "tacky," "cringe worthy," etc, to give a "generous" gift that usually doesn't even cover the cost of their attendance, but little notice given to people trying to give as little as they can "get away with," so to speak.

People may be bending over backwards to be generous in accommodating an invitees family of four. It's not silly or tacky to be considerate or generous in kind; but you'll see it called that over and over on this site.

No one is trying to give "as little as they can." They are trying to identify an expectation and then balance it with their financial reality. Plus, the gift is only part of the price of attending - there are clothes, transportation and hotel costs, babysitters, etc.

I support being generous, but its an invitation, not a business contract. To treat it as financial transaction is tacky. As many others have posted, couples should not depend on gifts to cover wedding costs. If they do, that is their problem, or they should only invite wealthy people.

When my husband and I invited people to our wedding five years ago we wanted them to enjoy themselves and celebrate with us. We hosted a wedding that we could afford. Some people were very generous ($200 for a couple) and some gave what they could. What really mattered was that people we care about were there.

Wedding guests are GUESTS, not customers paying for their plate. There is nothing wrong with giving a generous gift if you can afford to do so and wish to. But there is something wrong with expecting a guest to give a gift of a certain amount based on how much it cost to throw the wedding. And not everyone who doesn't give the "expected" amount is trying to "get away with" giving less. You don't know their financial situation, so don't judge.

spontaneous said:
Wedding guests are GUESTS, not customers paying for their plate. There is nothing wrong with giving a generous gift if you can afford to do so and wish to. But there is something wrong with expecting a guest to give a gift of a certain amount based on how much it cost to throw the wedding. And not everyone who doesn't give the "expected" amount is trying to "get away with" giving less. You don't know their financial situation, so don't judge.

+1. You might look on the registry and see what has not been given. Many times I get the same items for a fraction of the price on different websites. I just got 4 new boxed flatware 5 piece serving sets for about 33.00 each compared to over $100 at Macys. Give what you can afford. I would probably give at least $200.00.

Even with recent college grads, i would have them contribute to the family gift..if you give a total of $500, it maybe reasonable for each of them to contribute $20 with you contibuting the rest of their portion

a gift isn't payment for attending a reception...you should give a gift whether you go or not if you are family or regular friends (not just people you only see at weddings)