I can't vouch for the authenticity of this.
It's quite likely that it has been re-purposed to suit an Australian audience.
(Bunnings is an Australian hardware store which, seemingly, stocks everything a handyman, builder or tradesperson might need to do the job. Burleigh Heads is a town in Queensland.)
This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to Bunnings in Burleigh Heads. They hired him because he was so funny….NAME:Adam Landon Jones (Grumpy Bastard)SEX:Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)DESIRED POSITON:Company’s Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying in the first place – would I?DESIRED SALARY:$150,000 a year plus share options and a good redundancy package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.EDUCATION:Yes.LAST POSITON HELD:Target for middle management hostility.PREVIOUS SALARY:A lot less than I’m worth.MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.REASON FOR LEAVING:It was a crap job.HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:Any.PREFERRED HOURS:1:30 – 3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:If I had one, would I be here’?DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 20kg.?:Of what?DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITON?:I may already be a winner of the Reader’s Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.DO YOU SMOKE?:On the job – no! On my breaks – yes!WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.NEAREST RELATIVE?:12 Kilometres DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:Oh yes. Absolutely
Earliest appearance I saw online was from 2003, attributed to a 17-year-old McDonald’s applicant.
“Target for middle management hostility” is funnier from a 75-year-old.
Burleigh Heads is a southern suburb of the Gold Coast, famed for the surf beaches (and the terrific Surf Livesaving Club opposite the lawn bowls club)
Bunnings is like your Lowes’.
Room for rent
1 Bd | 2Full, 1 Half Ba$900
WayFair Swivel BarStools $350 More info
Modern/Transitional Coffee Table $145 More info
Apple Watch Ultra $500 More info
Dresser $0 More info