Color/Feedback on Pingry/NA/Kent Place

njparent said:

LOL man. I asked for advice on three private schools that are commutable from Maplewood and surrounding communities. Some idiot that had nothing to add but opined that private schools should be abolished and then tried to suggest a racial motive for the common use of the phrase "can you provide some color on X". Another poster told me about how "low class" I was to mention the private schools my daughter had gotten into (which I explained why I had mentioned). Yet somehow I am the name caller because *I* reacted? I literally started in a very civil tone till I was attacked. Sorry man, I got no time for idiots who would question the choices I make for my children or my social class.  

sprout said:

OK. 

So, you've learned you don't want to live here, which is valuable information. 

When reviewing the other private school threads you searched, you may want to examine the differences in the ones where the original poster called other posters "Jealous" or "Communist" or referred to other posters' "self-esteem", vs. those that were more informative and civil discussions. This may also provide valuable information.

 

OK, you've added "idiots" to the insults. Your daughter's resume indicates she may be a better learner than you. She might also not have made the incorrect assumption that I am a man.

I wish her the best.


I never called you low class, you should read more carefully

njparent said:

 

 


What little I know about the subject. 

Kent Place. I go for coffee with friends in Summit.... Manhattan Bagel.  Sometimes, girls in KP uniforms will show up at the coffee shop to pick up bagels. They seem happy, well mannered. That was before COVID. 

Pingry. There was a used bookstore in Millburn... this was about 15 years ago. Owner had a masters degree in something or other. He worked part time as a custodian at Pingry to support himself while the bookstore was going to grow (It never did.)  A Pingry teacher invited him to teach a class about the subject of his degree. Teacher reported the proposal to administration and the invitation to teach the class was withdrawn because it was in appropriate for a custodian to teach a class.

N.A. I volunteered at a couple of environmental organizations. N.A. students are required to perform community service so several of them served at the two workdays at N.J Audubon. They were industrious and well mannered. 

That's all I got.


njparent said:

LOL man. I asked for advice on three private schools that are commutable from Maplewood and surrounding communities. Some idiot that had nothing to add but opined that private schools should be abolished and then tried to suggest a racial motive for the common use of the phrase "can you provide some color on X". Another poster told me about how "low class" I was to mention the private schools my daughter had gotten into (which I explained why I had mentioned). Yet somehow I am the name caller because *I* reacted? I literally started in a very civil tone till I was attacked. Sorry man, I got no time for idiots who would question the choices I make for my children or my social class.  

sprout said:

OK. 

So, you've learned you don't want to live here, which is valuable information. 

When reviewing the other private school threads you searched, you may want to examine the differences in the ones where the original poster called other posters "Jealous" or "Communist" or referred to other posters' "self-esteem", vs. those that were more informative and civil discussions. This may also provide valuable information.

 

dude, you got some serious issues. I never intimated anything about race. That you came to that conclusion is your problem, not mine.

I guess I must run in different circles, but we don't ask people to provide color about things. Not a common phrase 'round here. Also, you didn't use the phrase. You just used the word, lending to my confusion.



Thanks  @Formerlyjerseyjack for the great color. The Pingry anecdote is a bit ambiguous (positive that the Teacher wanted a custodian to teach a class, negative that administration nixed it) but seems like you at least formed a positive impression of Kent Place and Newark Academy students being well mannered and not behaving like spoilt, entitled kids which is always a concern. 


My neighbor's friend started at Kent Place this past fall, because she was having issues at MMS. She seems happy there. The only news I heard regarding Pingry was when it was in the news regarding sexual abuse by staff. 


Pingry is competitive academically and for athletics. The athletic facilities are top notch for a hgh school.  My impression is that there is a significant emphasis on participating in sports.


Slate author: "Only bad people send their kids to private school". Ok then I am happy to join the notoriously bad group of parents such as Barack and Michelle Obama, Bill and Hillary Clinton, Sen. Warren, and countless other liberal politicians. No sweat.


Someone clearly could afford to be paying a lot more in taxes.

Poor little rich boy.....


To recap: Someone with the means and desire to send a child to private school asked for insight on a few local options. Forty-nine hours later, that parent started receiving some.


njparent said:

Slate author: "Only bad people send their kids to private school". Ok then I am happy to join the notoriously bad group of parents such as Barack and Michelle Obama, Bill and Hillary Clinton, Sen. Warren, and countless other liberal politicians. No sweat.

 lol


DaveSchmidt said:

To recap: Someone with the means and desire to send a child to private school asked for insight on a few local options. Forty-nine hours later, that parent started receiving some.

This seems to me to be not the best venue for an effective color collection on this most important decision.

But let's continue and see how it goes....


DaveSchmidt said:

To recap: Someone with the means and desire to send a child to private school asked for insight on a few local options. Forty-nine hours later, that parent started receiving some.

And from a different perspective: Someone could have easily phrased their question in a form with less braggadocio about their means and their child's current acceptance streak to selective private institutions, in order to ask for insights on additional private school options. Especially to an online group they know nothing about.

I have friends in the private school world, and have had opportunities to mingle in the culture, including attending parties. One of the parties was in a private stadium skybox/suite that one of the parents won at the school's silent auction fundraiser. While there, I got to hear about the even more extravagant options other families had donated for the fundraiser. It's an interesting culture.

IIRC, some of the private schools review the parents as well as the students before acceptance. Would it impact their decision if they noticed a parent tended to open conversations in this way, and responded to the first hint of a critique with "Jealous!" and other insults?  If I was a reviewer, I might consider how this parent might respond to any feedback from the school, as well as how the parent may appear to other families considering the school.


sprout said:

And from a different perspective: Someone could have easily phrased their question in a form with less braggadocio about their means and their child's current acceptance streak to selective private institutions, in order to ask for insights on additional private school options. Especially to an online group they know nothing about.

I have friends in the private school world, and have had opportunities to mingle in the culture, including attending parties. One of the parties was in a private stadium skybox/suite that one of the parents won at the school's silent auction fundraiser. While there, I got to hear about the even more extravagant options other families had donated for the fundraiser. It's an interesting culture.

IIRC, some of the private schools review the parents as well as the students before acceptance. Would it impact their decision if they noticed a parent tended to open conversations in this way, and responded to the first hint of a critique with "Jealous!" and other insults?  If I was a reviewer, I might consider how this parent might respond to any feedback from the school, as well as how the parent may appear to others families considering the school.

 How sad for you that you can't dox me to the schools like a good little Stasi informant.  How predictable that you would ignore people attacking me in personal terms and be more concerned about the tone of my replies.


What an insecure person you are that you get upset over factual information, which I have already stated was provided since someone could easily ask why don't you get back to us when you have an admit when NYC school final decisions are due by Tuesday. 


njparent said:

sprout said:

And from a different perspective: Someone could have easily phrased their question in a form with less braggadocio about their means and their child's current acceptance streak to selective private institutions, in order to ask for insights on additional private school options. Especially to an online group they know nothing about.

I have friends in the private school world, and have had opportunities to mingle in the culture, including attending parties. One of the parties was in a private stadium skybox/suite that one of the parents won at the school's silent auction fundraiser. While there, I got to hear about the even more extravagant options other families had donated for the fundraiser. It's an interesting culture.

IIRC, some of the private schools review the parents as well as the students before acceptance. Would it impact their decision if they noticed a parent tended to open conversations in this way, and responded to the first hint of a critique with "Jealous!" and other insults?  If I was a reviewer, I might consider how this parent might respond to any feedback from the school, as well as how the parent may appear to others families considering the school.

 How sad for you that you can't dox me to the schools like a good little Stasi informant.  How predictable that you would ignore people attacking me in personal terms and be more concerned about the tone of my replies.


What an insecure person you are that you get upset over factual information, which I have already stated was provided since someone could easily ask why don't you get back to us when you have an admit when NYC school final decisions are due by Tuesday. 

I'm not upset over the factual information, but about the insults that were leveled at people I've known (online) for years, who you just met.

Perhaps it is just the stress getting to you about the final decisions. I have no skin in the game.


WOW

actually not much of this is personal and once again has everything to do with the tone and vitriol of white privilege oozing out of your verbiage. 

We’ve tried to explain our reasons for the way you used the word ‘color’ and the difference in perception in a community (that YOU asked for a response) of diversity.  Yet you have attacked anyone with a different point of view, different background or life experience, to a self perceived insult. 

I’m beginning to wonder what your ultimate goal Is here, as you’ve seemed to put your family in a place that if my kids were in any of those private schools I would seriously consider not telling you the truth to keep you and your kids away from mine and their friends

FYI-a disagreement in a discussion does not make one a Stasi agent or Commie. 


njparent said:


 How sad for you that you can't dox me to the schools like a good little Stasi informant.  How predictable that you would ignore people attacking me in personal terms and be more concerned about the tone of my replies.


What an insecure person you are that you get upset over factual information, which I have already stated was provided since someone could easily ask why don't you get back to us when you have an admit when NYC school final decisions are due by Tuesday. 

 


sprout said:

And from a different perspective:

I was conscious of that from the start.


MsSumida said:

 

 First of all MsSumida lots of us have had it up to our eyeballs with digital mobs gaslighting perfectly innocent turns of phrase. Asking for people to provide "color" is completely normal and mainstream usage in corporate America and in other formal/informal conversations. There have been literally dozens of times prospective student parents have asked similar phrased questions in admissions events. 

Second you ignore the unprompted personal attacks on me some of which you participated in yourself by questioning my class, calling me uncouth and a racist and a lot more. I make zero apologies for not bowing and scraping and painting a scarlet letter on my forehead to allow a hard left digital troll mob to assault me. If apologies are needed it is from the likes of you and your troll buddies. 

Finally you should not make assumptions about my social, economic and racial background. I could easily pull that as a gotcha, but I don't like to do that, it is not at all relevant to this discussion. I can guarantee you that the circumstances of my life till I was a young adult was probably less privileged than most people who can afford to buy a home in Maplewood.    


With the above note I am signing off from this discussion. To those who shared their observations and anecdotes about the school I thank you. 


njparent said:

MsSumida said:

 

 First of all MsSumida lots of us have had it up to our eyeballs with digital mobs gaslighting perfectly innocent turns of phrase. Asking for people to provide "color" is completely normal and mainstream usage in corporate America and in other formal/informal conversations. There have been literally dozens of times prospective student parents have asked similar phrased questions in admissions events. 

Second you ignore the unprompted personal attacks on me some of which you participated in yourself by questioning my class, calling me uncouth and a racist and a lot more. I make zero apologies for not bowing and scraping and painting a scarlet letter on my forehead to allow a hard left digital troll mob to assault me. If apologies are needed it is from the likes of you and your troll buddies. 

Finally you should not make assumptions about my social, economic and racial background. I could easily pull that as a gotcha, but I don't like to do that, it is not at all relevant to this discussion. I can guarantee you that the circumstances of my life till I was a young adult was probably less privileged than most people who can afford to buy a home in Maplewood.    

 you don't know what gaslighting means.


Well that certainly got crazy quick.

We live in South Orange, Maplewood’s slightly cooler neighbor and co-conspirator in supplying snarky online responses. We’re Black. We sent our kid to private school because the public school district for Maplewood/South Orange (like many school districts in the area/country) has considerable difficulty providing an equitable learning experience for Black and brown kids. Those kids are routinely directed to a less rigorous academic path, typically beginning at the middle school level. The damage done there follows them into high school and creates a less than competitive student. The district has been sued successfully a couple of times (DOE) and while they’re very earnest about ‘making changes’, as far as I know those changes have been slow in coming. Certainly the pandemic hasn’t helped matters.

 I’ve always assumed that the practices leading to the suits were attempts to create an ‘exclusive’ school within a school setting for prospective home buyers thinking of moving to the area. A setting where affluent new homeowners willing to buy an 800K to a million dollar home and pay 30K+ in property taxes would be able to rest easier knowing that their child could attend a public school where the majority of AP classes would be populated by other smart white kids with reasonably affluent parents. For the most part this plan works. Of course there are Black and brown kids who navigate the system successfully, gaining entry to and finding success in a more challenging academic environment and at the same time there are white kids who have difficulty maintaining the standards required by the more rigorous curriculum. The bottom line is that if your student is smart and hardworking he/she can find success in the public schools here. The difference (for all parents) will always be the degree to which you’re willing and able to advocate for your child. For Black parents that job is unending, multidimensional and exhausting and for that reason many opt for private schools where the threshold for all students is higher. The choice has nothing at all to do with status or self esteem, but rather with the pursuit of excellence and opportunity. After all, there are plenty of racists in private schools.

And here’s my two cents on two schools. Pingry and Newark Academy are both academically rigorous. Both schools do an excellent job preparing their graduates to be competitive in college and beyond. Pingry is bigger and has a better athletic program and NA is smaller and has a more well rounded and community engaged student body. Both schools have considerable endowments and wonderful facilities. Both schools are full of rich kids and both schools make an attempt to be inclusive. What works for your kid(s) really just depends on who they are and how they learn. 

We moved here from a Bklyn brownstone 16 years ago and it was the right choice. This is a good place to bring up your kids if you’re the type of person who wants a little bit of everything. ‘Family’ here can mean any collection of people and usually does. Everybody lives here, and as you see, everybody weighs in- like it or not. So, if you like a little variety and can handle the expense this might be the place. If you’re more comfortable with uniformity- maybe not.


Best of luck and keep in mind that what you get online is very seldom the total picture. Like you, we’re shut-ins and we’ve been abused for a good year or so. These are wonderful, inclusive communities that struggle to be better and do better on a daily basis. Sometimes we hit the mark and sometimes we miss. The important thing is that we are aware of our misgivings and missteps and for the most part we try to address them head on- that’s saying a lot these days. When this place is hitting on all cylinders it’s wonderful to behold.


Dear @flimbro, right when I had bowed out of the discussion you draw me right back in with such a thoughtful and detailed post! You are right to remind me that what one gets online is not necessarily a well-balanced picture of a real-life community, there are all kinds of selection biases to who posts and replies online. 

Sorry to hear about your challenges with the public school system and ensuring your children get the right educational experience. People have all kinds of negative stereotypes about private schools, not realizing that the leading private schools today are more diverse racially and economically than many suburban public schools and most of them have a progressive social culture where bullying, racism and flaunting privilege is not tolerated.

Regarding learning style I am trying to balance the needs of two kids, one of whom does better in a more progressive and interactive teaching environment, the other is probably able to do well even in a traditional lecture-driven learning environment. Older one has a strong interest in art (painting, piano) and has recently shown a passion for digital photography and making little movies driven by a class project. Younger one has a keen interest in science and experimentation, is always making up her little experiments at home with everyday things. Ideally we would like a school that is able to allow both kids to indulge their passions and was strong in both Arts and STEM. Both kids are also pretty good at running and have done well in competitive track meets for their age groups.


flimbro said:

We sent our kid to private school because the public school district for Maplewood/South Orange (like many school districts in the area/country) has considerable difficulty providing an equitable learning experience for Black and brown kids.

I remember your mentioning at one point that your family was weighing the choice. The private school’s gain is SOMSD’s loss. I hope it all goes great, down the road. (The only thing is, when it does, it’s over before you know it.)


DaveSchmidt said:

flimbro said:

We sent our kid to private school because the public school district for Maplewood/South Orange (like many school districts in the area/country) has considerable difficulty providing an equitable learning experience for Black and brown kids.

I remember your mentioning at one point that your family was weighing the choice. The private school’s gain is SOMSD’s loss. I hope it all goes great, down the road. (The only thing is, when it does, it’s over before you know it.)

 Don't I know it. It's bittersweet. Our nest will be empty this fall. Turns out we made the right choice and as a result, we have a pretty spectacular kid with opportunities and options we barely had access to- and at the end of the day, that's pretty much what all of this is about- right? 


flimbro said:

Our nest will be empty this fall.

Holy cow. I was recalling that the comment was during middle school, and it didn't seem that long ago. So much for that, but great to read. And right. 


njparent said:

Dear @flimbro, right when I had bowed out of the discussion you draw me right back in with such a thoughtful and detailed post! You are right to remind me that what one gets online is not necessarily a well-balanced picture of a real-life community, there are all kinds of selection biases to who posts and replies online. 

Sorry to hear about your challenges with the public school system and ensuring your children get the right educational experience. People have all kinds of negative stereotypes about private schools, not realizing that the leading private schools today are more diverse racially and economically than many suburban public schools and most of them have a progressive social culture where bullying, racism and flaunting privilege is not tolerated.

Regarding learning style I am trying to balance the needs of two kids, one of whom does better in a more progressive and interactive teaching environment, the other is probably able to do well even in a traditional lecture-driven learning environment. Older one has a strong interest in art (painting, piano) and has recently shown a passion for digital photography and making little movies driven by a class project. Younger one has a keen interest in science and experimentation, is always making up her little experiments at home with everyday things. Ideally we would like a school that is able to allow both kids to indulge their passions and was strong in both Arts and STEM. Both kids are also pretty good at running and have done well in competitive track meets for their age groups.

 I would check out city-data for places you will be comfortable living in and choosing private for your kids.  Summit is on the midtown direct, which opens up all your city schools for a one hour commute.  It is also driving close to Kent Place, Oak Knoll, Oratory, St Gills, Morristown-Baird and Pingry.  If you are looking for anything STEM related, you would not do well in MSO.  The physical plant is decrepit, there are no double periods, and it won’t be up to private ( or even nearby public school standards).  I think Summit probably has a higher percentage of private school attendance than Millburn or Chatham, so bussing or carpooling might be easier.


campbell29 said:

 I would check out city-data for places you will be comfortable living in and choosing private for your kids.  Summit is on the midtown direct, which opens up all your city schools for a one hour commute.  It is also driving close to Kent Place, Oak Knoll, Oratory, St Gills, Morristown-Baird and Pingry.  If you are looking for anything STEM related, you would not do well in MSO.  The physical plant is decrepit, there are no double periods, and it won’t be up to private ( or even nearby public school standards).  I think Summit probably has a higher percentage of private school attendance than Millburn or Chatham, so bussing or carpooling might be easier.

 Thanks - we have been looking at homes in Maplewood, Chatham, Madison, Summit, New Providence and have been a to a fair number of open houses. Summit has emerged as the front runner for the reasons you cite. 


njparent said:

campbell29 said:

 I would check out city-data for places you will be comfortable living in and choosing private for your kids.  Summit is on the midtown direct, which opens up all your city schools for a one hour commute.  It is also driving close to Kent Place, Oak Knoll, Oratory, St Gills, Morristown-Baird and Pingry.  If you are looking for anything STEM related, you would not do well in MSO.  The physical plant is decrepit, there are no double periods, and it won’t be up to private ( or even nearby public school standards).  I think Summit probably has a higher percentage of private school attendance than Millburn or Chatham, so bussing or carpooling might be easier.

 Thanks - we have been looking at homes in Maplewood, Chatham, Madison, Summit, New Providence and have been a to a fair number of open houses. Summit has emerged as the front runner for the reasons you cite. 

 We live in NP, so if you have any specific questions, feel free to ask.


campbell29 said:

If you are looking for anything STEM related, you would not do well in MSO. 

It’s possible to. 


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