Cemetary - niche for cremated remains...

As of tomorrow I'll have both my parents cremated remains, they've purchased a "niche" in a nearby cemetery in an indoor mausoleum. 

I have a message into the cemetery on how this all works, looking at their site it seems like people put mementos in the niche with the urn(s). I had no idea -- and wondering what's appropriate. Pictures of them? Their family? Favorite piece of jewelry?

I also would like to take out a bit of their ashes (if I can?) to sprinkle in a favorite place. To me that would be more meaningful than the cemetery.

My father died 2 years ago and he donated his body to a medical school. At his funeral I didn't forsee this day coming - and its like reliving it all over, now for both of them.

Appreciate your experiences and ideas.

I hope this is at least somewhat helpful:

When visiting my grandparents' graves last year (more accurately, their mausoleum crypts), my spouse saw cremation display niche's nearby, and told me that is what he wants 'eventually' (hopefully many decades from now). 

The display niches in this mausoleum looked like small glass boxes, which contained the the ashes in an urn/box as well as photos, figurines (some religious), and other objects that may have been meaningful to the person when they were alive. 

My spouse's thinking is that his display would elicit positive memories when friends and family come to visit. His expectation is that he would select the items to be included in his display long before he died. It seems more challenging to have loved ones make these selections at a more emotional time -- as you are experiencing yourself.

If you can share the information that the cemetery provides, I'm curious about their guidance around what to include. (Although I'm not quite ready to commit to this myself, I did see why it could be a compelling concept).

I wish you the best in this -- and perhaps approach it by thinking about what would elicit positive memories for you and other family members when you visit.

Pete.....as you said this is an experience none  of us foresees but is very much inevitable..

When my wife's middle brother passed. she had him buried wearing hs Marine dress uniform.

I purchased a Marine K bar knife with the intention of burying it with him.  The funeral director told me to hang on to it as Carl would be happier knowing it was in use.  Now when I open my Amazon boxes and packages with the Kbar,  memories come flooding back.  Also the funeral director arranged a multi gun salute at the burial services.  It was a day for memories.

When our mom passed unexpectedly,  my sister brought a Mary Jane doll that was mom's favorite

and few toys she had as a child.  They went on to eternity together.

There is no hard and fast rules as to the etiquette of dying.

My grandfather purchased about 30 cemetery plots in Linden back in the 40's.  We were the proverbial Big Fat Greek Family .  Rumor had it that someone else purchased  6 plots and demanded to be buried in his favorite Cadillac.

Any form of internment is for the living as well as the departed loved ones.  Do what feels most natural.

Very sorry - you've had a rough couple of years.

I don't think you have to put the urns in the mausoleum if you don't want to. Maybe your parents bought the niche space as part of a cremation package, trying to relieve their kids of the burden of making hard decisions. Or do you think they really wanted to be there so they could be visited? 

Legally, I believe you could take the urns home, pop them open, and scatter the ashes, or keep the urns on your mantle. We looked into this in another state; don't know about NJ law.

If you're the only survivor and possibly the only visitor, it might be a lot more meaningful and convenient to be able to visit a special place rather than the mausoleum. Both of my parents are buried in a lovely military cemetery in my city. I haven't been there since their funerals, but I detour to drive by the places where we lived when I was a kid pretty regularly because that's more meaningful to me.

thanks all.  I re read my fathers will, he included a section on his “funeral suggestions” - explicitly saying these were just ideas and I should do what I think best. (He died after Mom)

Part of me thinks I’d be happier sprinkling their ashes in places they were fond of.  I just can’t imagine me or my kids going to the vault...  

I’m picking up Dad’s ashes then meeting with the cemetery director to see what they bought. They obviously gave this a lot of thought.... and I want to honor that.

I guess the same things that people put in caskets would also apply to an urn niche.

-In other words, -whatever has meaning to either yourself and/or the departed.

My aunt put her husbands work clothes and a pack of cigarettes into his casket.

For my Dad I simply tucked a little "Thank you" note into his suit pocket.

However for my Father-in-law, we put a fully loaded German Luger into his hands (he was a gun collector and quite the history buff on the subject). At the last second before closing the casket lid my brother-in-law took the safety off. I asked him "Are you sure you want to do that?" He said "Absolutely, he might need it on the other side". We all laughed and I often smile when I think of my Father-in-law laying there peacefully six feet under with that pistol in his hands.

That same brother-in-law now has his ashes spread on three different continents (He grew up in Nigeria, lived in New Mexico and his daughter lives in Australia).

In planning for my own demise I once told my daughter to do whatever she thought would bring her the most comfort but that I somehow liked the idea of an unmarked grave. We both laughed (we're a dark humor family).

Sorry for your loss Pete. If you are near the same age as me, -there are long shadows everywhere.

Pete,

Ashes will likely be given to you in a plastic bag. You can open it and remove part of the ashes for any purpose you want. You can also place them in the bag, in the mausoleum as is, or in an urn or box.

What you place in the mausoleum along with the ashes is limited by the size of the space.

I hope this helps.

JC