"After you, young man."

Said to me, upon leaving the elevator. Yeah, I'm 79 and I know I look like ****, compared to what I looked like when I was 20 or whatever. Fact: I saw a picture of me when I was around 3. I was a cute little dickens then. But so what?

But I digress. "After you, young man," after deferring to me to leave the elevator. Very condescending.

He was probably in his 50's. Polite and meaning to be polite. But I guess he felt that his comment was a compliment.... meaning being his age is something better than being my age and I shouldn't feel bad that I look like **** or that he felt that I probably felt badly because I wasn't 50 or whatever. Guess what? I don't.

I am proud of my age. My retirement is good and I enjoy - really enjoy my outdoor activities as you can tell from the photos I post. And judging from genetics, you will have to put up with me on M.O.L. for another 20 years or so. and if you don't, so what?

And unlike my friend in the elevator, I don't have to worry about fighting traffic in the morning. I don't have to worry about if my job is going to be there next month or whatever stuff comes along with having a job. Or if my squeeze is also somebody else's squeeze on the side.

I wouldn't want to be 20 o 30 or whatever again. The pressures of those ages are behind me.


Then there is my cardiologist. He is probably in his 60's and he does look like ****. He walks into the exam room every six months, "Hello, young man."  Really. 


So yeah. I'm 79 and I'm proud of it. 


snake  amen! That’s what’s great about aging gracefully, you just don’t GAF about what others think or say.


dano said:

snake
  amen! That’s what’s great about aging gracefully, you just don’t GAF about what others think or say.

If someone don’t care what someone else says about age, why bother starting a thread to demonstrate that?

I really don’t understand why someone giving you the chance to get out of the elevator before them, and saying “after you young man “ in the process would alter the older person’s PH level to the extreme that they’re offended…I’m getting visions of Walter Matthau in “ grumpy old men”.


These days, any gesture of human acknowledgment in public is a blessing to me.


I keep hearing that “80 is the new ‘40”, and I’ve met a number of 80 year olds who are avid tennis players. A dear, dear friend of mine (Scully) maintains that the 70s have been the best decade of her life. 

Even though I was disabled at 30, my head told me I was 27 for the next few decades. Now that I’m in my mid-60’s and MUCH more active than ever, my head has NO idea what age it feels. 

However, when people treat me like the relic I just might be, it doesn’t go well for them. And if one ever called me “Young Man”, I’d have to restrain myself from slugging them. I could probably settle for glaring at them till I burned two holes thru their head, then delivered a lecture on the nature of condescension until they shriveled into the ground. 

There goes my Pacifist card. Damn. 


Jaytee said:

dano said:

snake
  amen! That’s what’s great about aging gracefully, you just don’t GAF about what others think or say.

If someone don’t care what someone else says about age, why bother starting a thread to demonstrate that?

I really don’t understand why someone giving you the chance to get out of the elevator before them, and saying “after you young man “ in the process would alter the older person’s PH level to the extreme that they’re offended…I’m getting visions of Walter Matthau in “ grumpy old men”.

I completely disagree.   I had a physician say that to me every time he saw me until I called him on it.  I know the intent isn't to be patronizing but it is.  “I’m making a joke that you are young when you’re actually old!   Get it?   It’s really funny!”   Like calling someone who is heavy, “skinny.”


jeffl said:

I completely disagree.   I had a physician say that to me every time he saw me until I called him on it.  I know the intent isn't to be patronizing but it is.  “I’m making a joke that you are young when you’re actually old!   Get it?   It’s really funny!”   Like calling someone who is heavy, “skinny.”

it doesn’t take much for people to get upset these days..,on the one hand “I don’t GAF what people say at my age”

Then on the other hand… “how are you today young man “…

If someone calls you old man and let’s you go before them at the supermarket, you might wreck the store after being so offended. 
make up your minds you old fogees 


Jaytee said:

jeffl said:

I completely disagree.   I had a physician say that to me every time he saw me until I called him on it.  I know the intent isn't to be patronizing but it is.  “I’m making a joke that you are young when you’re actually old!   Get it?   It’s really funny!”   Like calling someone who is heavy, “skinny.”

it doesn’t take much for people to get upset these days..,on the one hand “I don’t GAF what people say at my age”

Then on the other hand… “how are you today young man “…

If someone calls you old man and let’s you go before them at the supermarket, you might wreck the store after being so offended. 
make up your minds you old fogees 

I am not easily offended at all.  Quite the opposite.  Pretty buddhist in my approach to the world.


Why the aggressive tone?  Get up on the wrong will side of the bed?  Mellow out, man.


jeffl said:

I am not easily offended at all.  Quite the opposite.  Pretty buddhist in my approach to the world.


Why the aggressive tone?  Get up on the wrong will side of the bed?  Mellow out, man.

maybe jack did wake up on the wrong side of the bed. I’m just trying to figure out why someone would get upset by someone using the term “ young man “


Jaytee said:

jeffl said:

I am not easily offended at all.  Quite the opposite.  Pretty buddhist in my approach to the world.


Why the aggressive tone?  Get up on the wrong will side of the bed?  Mellow out, man.

maybe jack did wake up on the wrong side of the bed. I’m just trying to figure out why someone would get upset by someone using the term “ young man “

I don’t know how old you are but imagine if your elderly dad or mom were referred to by a physician, less than half their age, as “young man/woman.”   It’s patronizing.  It’s infantilizing.  It’s not funny or cute, if that’s the intent.  


I expect we all have been called a lot worst.   So as my younger friends would say, "Nix it off."  


metaphysician said:

I keep hearing that “80 is the new ‘40”, and I’ve met a number of 80 year olds who are avid tennis players.  


That may well be, but I'll take my body from age 20 any day of the week - not my mind, just my body.


I wouldn't write a whole post about it but I agree that being called "young man" by a *younger* stranger is rude. I'm 50ish -- if a 75 yo calls me young man I'm cool with it, but if it's from a 25 yo, I'm not. 

It's not unlike calling a bald person "curly" or a fat person "slim".  


jeffl said:

I don’t know how old you are but imagine if your elderly dad or mom were referred to by a physician, less than half their age, as “young man/woman.” 

Jaytee is a grandfather whose first car was a '74 Pinto, so I'm guessing he's old enough.


Jaytee said:

jeffl said:

I am not easily offended at all.  Quite the opposite.  Pretty buddhist in my approach to the world.


Why the aggressive tone?  Get up on the wrong will side of the bed?  Mellow out, man.

maybe jack did wake up on the wrong side of the bed. I’m just trying to figure out why someone would get upset by someone using the term “ young man “

As the only woman to have commented on this thread, I will say that I have absolutely hated the term "young lady" since I can recall, even when I was young. It is condescending, much like the person who called FJJ a "young man." He is right to be miffed; why can't we all get along? 


Last June, when my hair started growing back in lots of grey curls, a young sales assistant referred to me as ‘an old lady’ while discussing an order with the shop manager. I’m only mid-60s, I’m in that store every week for the last 12yrs so he knows me pre-chemo (long dark brown hair, and knows my name), and they know I usually work with 80-100+year-olds. 
I’m not ‘old’. 
It’s unnecessary to refer to age, especially in this kind of situation.

It’s also vaguely reminiscent of calling young children ‘old man’ or ‘Lady/Madam’ to make them feel important - find another label!


Jaytee said:

it doesn’t take much for people to get upset these days..,on the one hand “I don’t GAF what people say at my age”

Then on the other hand… “how are you today young man “…

If someone calls you old man and let’s you go before them at the supermarket, you might wreck the store after being so offended. 
make up your minds you old fogees 

Why not just a simple, "After you."


Formerlyjerseyjack said:

Why not just a simple, "After you."

Affability run amok.


Count yourself lucky.  Only my chauffeur holds doors for me.


When I was a kid my dad would greet me with “ how did you do in school today ole chap”…I always thought people using the term “young man” or  “young lady” were simply doing so because they felt it was a compliment. I’m rethinking that now. Maybe it’s time to add another rule to the book of etiquette…

People who are offended by the simplest things in life always gives off negative vibes to me. Life is way too short for this. No wonder nearly every discussion turns into a fight. 


Jaytee said:

When I was a kid my dad would greet me with “ how did you do in school today ole chap”…I always thought people using the term “young man” or  “young lady” were simply doing so because they felt it was a compliment. I’m rethinking that now. Maybe it’s time to add another rule to the book of etiquette…

People who are offended by the simplest things in life always gives off negative vibes to me. Life is way too short for this. No wonder nearly every discussion turns into a fight. 

That's the point. Is it a compliment? It is pointing out that the initiator things you want to be in a category that s/he thinks is superior to the category you inhabit.

Referring to an earlier post, would you address a fat lady as, After you, Twiggy.?  Or a mentally challenged person as, "Here, let me help you, Einstein?"


dave said:

Count yourself lucky.  Only my chauffeur holds doors for me.

But it wasn't the door. It was the feckin' elevator. Nobody even had to say nothin' 'sept, "Have a nice day."


I've sometimes thought as a joke to retort when someone says, "Have a nice day." to say,.. "Don't tell me what kind of day to have."   I never said this to a stranger, but I have said it to friends who understood it as the joke it was meant to be.    PS: love the word "retort" and as used by Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction.    Flat-out NJ and NY attitude is fun.  


RobertRoe said:

I've sometimes thought as a joke to retort when someone says, "Have a nice day." to say,.. "Don't tell me what kind of day to have."   I never said this to a stranger, but I have said it to friends who understood it as the joke it was meant to be.    PS: love the word "retort" and as used by Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction.    Flat-out NJ and NY attitude is fun.  

My favorite - which I do use....

"If I don't see you until then, have a Merry Christmas."

Grumpy, Old Man, me: "Well, if I do see you, can I still have a Merry Christmas?"


RobertRoe said:

I've sometimes thought as a joke to retort when someone says, "Have a nice day." to say,.. "Don't tell me what kind of day to have."   I never said this to a stranger, but I have said it to friends who understood it as the joke it was meant to be.    PS: love the word "retort" and as used by Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction.    Flat-out NJ and NY attitude is fun.  

It used to grate on me to hear the NJ Transit recording telling passengers to "have a safe day" when we arrived in NY.  I mean, that's pretty much the bare minimum for your upcoming day -- get through the day without being injured, maimed or killed. 


It’s a minefield of pleasantries out there. Be safe.


DaveSchmidt said:

It’s a minefield of pleasantries out there. Be safe.

Snort


DaveSchmidt said:

It’s a minefield of pleasantries out there. Be safe.

yup.  have a day that may suck in every way possible, but just don't break your leg.


Formerlyjerseyjack said:

My favorite - which I do use....

"If I don't see you until then, have a Merry Christmas."

Grumpy, Old Man, me: "Well, if I do see you, can I still have a Merry Christmas?"

Me: Not with that attitude you won't.


OK, it's not any kind of big deal, but yes, being called "young lady" bugs me.  Not visibly, or for long.  I'm not sure I can explain it, but it seems condescending to me if said to anyone over about 15, maybe even before that, sounds like somebody calling somebody on the carpet, or like aren't you cute/capable *for someone your age.*  It just seems to emphasize age in an unpleasant way.  I'm fine with honey, darlin', ma'am, miss, next, you there....  So i don't think i'm generally cranky.

Regarding Have a nice day - i once heard someone reply to a checker with "I have other plans."  I love it, always wanted to use it, but probably too negative for most days.


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